Topical

Sunday Column 23-07-2023

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Beware of Tips

I was recently gently scolded by one of my close friend for preferring to write in English than in Marathi. Although I do write in Marathi I prefer to write in English due to a few reasons. I have been doing so much scientific writing for the last so many years in English that it has become almost natural to me. Many times I find myself thinking in English. The other thing is the desktop that I use for typing has English keyboard. Nowadays Marathi typing softwares are available, but using them is cumbersome. I also prefer desktop computer because of its keyboard mouse combination and relatively bigger display. I have now replaced desktop by laptop.

I am probably one of the few remaining species who prefers to read a physical newspaper. I have been reading the Times of India since I was so high. In recent years, The Times comes with a Bombay (not Mumbai) Times supplement. There are people who only read this supplement and not the main newspaper. I also read this supplement regularly, not because of all the glam doll photographs it feature, but because of other interesting aspect the supplement presents.

Look at some of the highlights of Bombay Times, for example. Headline on the first page says, Mumbaikar host parties for their pooches. Inside, one of the heroine proclaims she has found her love again, while the other says that her dreams are way bigger than the bumps that came in the way. The photograph features her legs spread longer than those dreams. Some actor is getting cozy with someone, while somebody else is not sure about somebody else. Some actress goes on to tell you why she broke up with her boyfriend while another proclaims she has found love of her life. Mind you, you have never heard of some of these world-famous celebrities. I suscpect these are first baby steps to become celebrities. Inside page tells you to revamp your wardrobe with Chic (I do not know what this means) ensembles. Another headline asks you to get ready for virtual reality experience. Another article tells you why your poor gut health will affect your (poor) brain. Again some actor wishes her dad a happy birthday, (This is a headline, mind you). Needless to say, the supplement also has countless colourful ads.

But the most interesting articles are as follows. Six ways to reconnect with your close friend after a fall-out. Ten easy ways to get in touch with your ex. Not only that, Bombay times tell you about how to behave with your ex if you suddenly run into him or her while you are with your present. Five beauty tips to prevent acne. Six natural foods to cure headache. If you read Bombay Times for a week, you will find answers to all your problems in three, four, five or at the most ten steps. How I wish I was born 25 years later! I love Bombay Times for this!!!

But you need to tread cautiously before acting on these tips, as I found out recently. There was an article which taught you ten easy ways to flirt with your crush. I have always thought that crush was some kind of a drink. But I realized what it means after reading the article. (See, reading Bombay times also has its side-effects, it improves your English.) One of my friends tried some of these tips on his “crush”. You know what happened? She almost crushed him under her car!!!

I was thinking of telling my newspaper vendor to stop delivering The Times to me. But my wife would have none of it! I am now wondering whether those tips worked for her. I think the best thing to do would be to keep abreast of the Bombay Times, but don’t act on those three, four, five, seven or ten tips without thinking.